Early March 2017 On Friday John called me to tell me that he had been given the results of the latest CT scan. The scan revealed that Jill has slow growing, progressive uterine cancer. She doesn’t know yet. I am devastated. I had hoped that she would continue to progress, that her knee would be taken care of, that she would be relatively pain free. Such is not to be the case.
I am overwhelmed by it all. I don’t know what to think or feel except this overwhelming sense of grief and sadness. I am trying to go on with life, to do what I can do here. But what about Jill? What do I do for her? How do I comfort her when she finds out the diagnosis? How do I companion her on her journey? How do I live through it all, finding a sense of peace for myself?
I have asked the Lord for help. I am not strong enough or smart enough to figure all of this out. My relationship with Jill has had its ups and downs, but I have come to a more compassionate heart. I have known for some time that she is so ill. I have been surprised when she recovered from recent hospitalizations. I have tried to be cheerful and helpful. I have come to understand that the money I lent to her will never come back to me. I have quit caring about that. I just want some peace for her and for me. I want some healing for her. But it is not for me to give. So where do I go?
March 28, 2017 Jill returned home to Marble Falls in the morning but by the evening was headed back to the hospital. I won’t know until I speak with her what is going on.