Today is the second anniversary of Christine’s passing. I don’t know why it always hits me so hard. I guess seeing my sisters struggle to stay alive and me not really caring whether I live or not, makes me think that I am destined to stay here a long time almost out of punishment for not loving life as they did. Does that make sense?
I was so angry when I went to Adoration, not wanting to talk with God and of course, if He said anything, I wasn’t listening.
And now a couple of days later, I regret being so angry and even thinking that living long is a punishment. After listening to Fr. Gallagher explain about desolation and consolation, I am guessing that how I felt in Adoration was a work of the devil.
While I was there a young woman came in. She was crying. After a time I decided to say a rosary for her, as her sniffling continued. I could pray for her, even though I could not pray for myself – maybe a sign that God was trying to help me by encouraging me to help someone else. Before my time was up, the young woman left. I hope my prayers helped her.