First, a word about the class last evening. I was almost brought to tears. Fr. Mark said to us “what is the dearest desire of your heart”. Without even thinking I knew what it was – to have my sisters back. Fr. Mark said that we were to give that to the Lord. Well, I am not getting my sisters back. Only Jesus has returned from the dead. Then later in our small group, we were asked the same question. I talked about Jill a little – how worried I am about her. Then later when I tried to sleep, I was crying. Who could sleep with what feelings had come to the surface? Eventually I took a pill and after a time it put me to sleep, though fitfully. I certainly didn’t feel that well when I awoke.
Matthew 11:28-29 “come to me all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.
Beautiful words, but how do I gain rest for my soul? I am worried about Jill, about upcoming surgery or treatment for uterine cancer. I am worried because she has been communicating online with someone she thinks wants to marry her. I can’t tell her that it is a scam. She isn’t getting married!
We are encouraged to read the passage several times, which I did. My strongest feeling during this prayer was “how”. How can God give me comfort, loosen my burden? How can I take His yoke upon me as well? I have tried by loving Jill, by having compassion for her, for trying to help her.
I did pray for her, for Tugar and for others. But I dont’ feel fulfilled or rested by my prayer time.
My heart rested – it didn’t. I just got up and went about my day.