Maybe I Understand the Why of Things

For all the years – 10 of them – since dad died, I have wondered why. Why did this woman hurt my father? Why did we not see what she was doing until it was too late? Why did those who knew refuse to speak out?

This morning I was reading in a book by Ft Oscar Lukefahr, C.M. entitled “Catholic Guide to the Bible”. In the book Father Lukefahr gives some explanation of various areas in the Bible starting with Genesis. I have been reading along with him what he suggests in each book of the Bible. This morning the reading was from Genesis Chapter 45 verses 1 -28. This is the story of Joseph, who has been sold into slavery by his brothers, approaching his brothers and revealing that it is he, their brother, who is now a ruler in Egypt. The story of Joseph is a long one from the many colored coat given to him by his father Jacob to his being sold into slavery and finally being put in charge of the country’s food supplies because he had revealed to the Pharaoh the meaning of a recurring dream.

In verse 5 Joseph says, “And now do not be distressed, or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life.” When I read those words I began to cry. I finally had the answers to the questions that have plagued me for the last ten years. And I have words from God that tell me not to be distressed or angry with myself. God sent our dad ahead of us to preserve our lives for eternal life  with Him.

Jeannie age 5

Jeannie had been faithful to the Church – as far as I know. But her faith grew stronger, as dad and mom grew ill and died and as she continued to suffer back problems. A year after dad died – I don’t remember exactly, I returned to the Church and struggled to feel comfortable at St. Helen’s until I started Scripture study. Since then my faith and devotion to the Lord has grown.

Jeannie passed away in 2010, two years after mom. She and I eventually made peace with one another before she died. I am hoping that she had her rosary in her hands that night, as she believed that Mary would come for her if she died holding her rosary.

Christine died in 2014 after having received an anointing and forgiveness from a priest who was chaplain at the hospital where she was having surgery. I believe that she is with mom, dad, Jeannie and the rest of our family.


Jill became ill this year, and I arranged for an anointing for her. She has recovered somewhat from what was making her ill, though she had a long way to go and will never fully recover. I am now bringing her the Eucharist every other week.

In 2019 Jill passed from this life. I pray that all my family is together once again.

Larry has returned to the Church – fully – not just coming to Mass with me. Erin has been reconciled with the Church, though not fully, so I still pray that God will touch her heart. She has allowed us to put Shamma in Catholic school where he will receive training in the faith.

A friend of mine, who had taken Bible study with us this past year, is now attending the mini RCIA class with me. If she feels comfortable enough with what she learns, she will become Catholic next month.

I thank and praise God for His goodness to all of us. And I thank Him for giving me the answer to my questions this morning. God allowed what happened to my dad, because he had a plan to save our family and perhaps more than just my little family. God did not plan what happened or excuse what happened, but He used what happened to save more than just my dad. Dad has truly gone ahead of us to save us all. The dream I had after dad died that was so puzzling. I dreamed that there was a treasure hidden behind the heat and fire of those horrendous experiences is true, perhaps more true than I can know.