I have been struggling for some time with my prayer life. I tried the Liturgy of the Hours for almost a year but eventually realized that it did not fit who I was. Then I ordered the Magnificat and have been praying the Morning and Evening prayers for almost a year. Again, especially, after Christine died, I found that it was just too difficult. Fr. Tim suggested that I might want to try something else for a time. I have questioned what that might be. Then the other night I decided to open my Bible at bedtime, read a Psalm and then a bit from the New Testament. After I shut out the light I can say my “little prayers'” – the Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be and say whatever I want to our Heavenly Father. Today in Adoration I had the feeling that these “simple prayers”, this “simple way of praying” is probably more suited to my temperament. I had wanted so to pray as the Carmelites and other religious orders do, but maybe it isn’t meant for me. Last week in Adoration I started thinking about simplicity, about how St. Therese spoke of a simple soul. But she prayed the Liturgy of the Hours and considered herself simple. Maybe I am even simpler than she is. I guess time will tell.
I am not comparing myself to St. Therese. She is a giant among the saints, even though I don’t understand or appreciate some of what she has written. Perhaps her writing is the style of her times and I don’t understand or appreciate that style. And I cannot understand a lot of what she says, the kind of devotion that she had to God, the kind of love that she shared with Him. Her life was so different than my own. But I do love when she talks about simple souls, souls that just trust that God will be there for them. I am just struggling to find a way to pray that seems like it is me. I have tried putting me aside so I could be like others but it doesn’t feel right.