A Big Change

good shepherdYesterday afternoon, while I lay down on the bed, preparing to pray the rosary, it occurred to me that my belief in Jesus was no longer just in my head. Somehow this belief was also in my heart. How and when did this change occur? I do not know, but I am thankful for the grace that God has given me.

Nearly eight years have passed since I had that dream. In the dream I saw someone at a party (where there were no others to be seen), in a bright white room, leaning against a wall. I knew that it was Jesus. I heard in my head the words: “In Jesus there is freedom.” Those words are true, although it took me a long time to believe it. The Good Shepherd had come to take me back to a place of safety and freedom. How can it be that He considers me worth saving? I am grateful that He does find me of value, for I saw little value in myself then and even now I wonder what He sees in me. I had failed my father, whom I loved so much, failing to see the person who was responsible for his failing health. And three years later I failed my mother. Does God really love those who fail so often? How can it be that our God is so loving?